I Am Safe, I Do Matter: The Role of Community in Demonstrating Care
At the core of every human being lies two essential questions: Am I safe? and Do I matter? These questions are not abstract—they are biological, psychological, and emotional survival mechanisms. Our nervous systems, specifically our amygdalas (whose one job is to constantly scan for threat by asking these questions) are wired to seek cues of safety and belonging, especially within our communities. When others show us care—by noticing our struggles, offering help, checking in, or simply sitting beside us in silence—we feel affirmed. We are reassured that we are not alone. In those moments, we feel emotionally secure, seen, and valued.
Community plays a powerful role in affirming our worth. Connection with others fosters a sense of safety that tells our brains and bodies: You are not alone. You are important. You are held. These experiences shape our self-perception and directly impact our mental and emotional health. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or a simple moment of presence can serve as a lifeline in times of uncertainty or self-doubt.
However, this dependency on external validation is also where the complexity begins. While it is deeply human to crave belonging and affirmation, our well-being cannot be entirely dependent on how consistently others show up for us. Communities—however well-meaning—can be inconsistent, unavailable, or unaware of our needs. If our sense of mattering is only contingent upon being seen or affirmed by others, we risk losing ourselves when that attention fades or falters.
Emotional resilience, then, requires balance. We must learn to receive care from others while also developing the inner foundation that tells us: I matter, even when no one is watching. This internal knowing is not a rejection of community, but rather a reclaiming of our own value. It is a recognition that our worth is not earned through productivity, usefulness, or the validation of others—but is innate, unshakable, and present simply because we exist.
This becomes especially crucial in a world that ties worth to output. We are often told—directly or indirectly—that we only matter when we are producing, achieving, or being of service to others. In this model, being unseen feels like being erased. Many people live in fear that if they are not constantly performing or contributing, they will lose their sense of value. This is both exhausting and unsustainable.
To feel truly safe and to know we truly matter, we need both: communities that offer care and connection, and personal resilience rooted in self-worth. It is not either/or—it is both/and. The deepest healing comes from communities that mirror our inherent worth and from the internal voice that whispers, even in solitude, I am safe. I do matter.
We’ve all heard the directions for the oxygen mask on the airplane, right? Before takeoff, the flight attendants remind you that you have to put your mask on before you help others with theirs. So it goes with the concept of self care: We have to help ourselves first, otherwise we can’t truly be of assistance to anyone else. 
Letting go is a lifetime practice but often feels very cerebral. “Easier said than done,” we might say. So if you’re practicing an attitude of release, here are a few things to support your practice.
