Stress - MBHA

I Am Safe, I Do Matter: The Role of Community in Demonstrating Care

Aug 17, 2025

At the core of every human being lies two essential questions: Am I safe? and Do I matter? These questions are not abstract—they are biological, psychological, and emotional survival mechanisms. Our nervous systems, specifically our amygdalas (whose one job is to constantly scan for threat by asking these questions) are wired to seek cues of safety and belonging, especially within our communities. When others show us care—by noticing our struggles, offering help, checking in, or simply sitting beside us in silence—we feel affirmed. We are reassured that we are not alone. In those moments, we feel emotionally secure, seen, and valued.

Community plays a powerful role in affirming our worth. Connection with others fosters a sense of safety that tells our brains and bodies: You are not alone. You are important. You are held. These experiences shape our self-perception and directly impact our mental and emotional health. A kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or a simple moment of presence can serve as a lifeline in times of uncertainty or self-doubt.

However, this dependency on external validation is also where the complexity begins. While it is deeply human to crave belonging and affirmation, our well-being cannot be entirely dependent on how consistently others show up for us. Communities—however well-meaning—can be inconsistent, unavailable, or unaware of our needs. If our sense of mattering is only contingent upon being seen or affirmed by others, we risk losing ourselves when that attention fades or falters.

Emotional resilience, then, requires balance. We must learn to receive care from others while also developing the inner foundation that tells us: I matter, even when no one is watching. This internal knowing is not a rejection of community, but rather a reclaiming of our own value. It is a recognition that our worth is not earned through productivity, usefulness, or the validation of others—but is innate, unshakable, and present simply because we exist.

This becomes especially crucial in a world that ties worth to output. We are often told—directly or indirectly—that we only matter when we are producing, achieving, or being of service to others. In this model, being unseen feels like being erased. Many people live in fear that if they are not constantly performing or contributing, they will lose their sense of value. This is both exhausting and unsustainable.

To feel truly safe and to know we truly matter, we need both: communities that offer care and connection, and personal resilience rooted in self-worth. It is not either/or—it is both/and. The deepest healing comes from communities that mirror our inherent worth and from the internal voice that whispers, even in solitude, I am safe. I do matter.

Redefining Strength: Uncoupling It from Violence

Jul 17, 2025

A person raising their hand in the sunset - Showing Strength For generations, society has linked strength with dominance. From the stories we’re told as children to the behaviors we see rewarded in public life, there is a persistent belief that strength comes from power over others often expressed through aggression, control, or intimidation. This outdated view has shaped not only how we see leaders, but also how we understand masculinity, authority, and even success. However, this association between strength and violence is both misleading and harmful. It is time to uncouple the two and redefine what strength truly means.

Real strength is not about overpowering others. It does not come from how loud we are, how much force we can exert, or how many people we can control. Instead, it comes from within. Strength is built on a foundation of self-awareness, confidence, and conviction. It is reflected in how we carry ourselves, how we treat others, and how we handle adversity, not in how forcefully we can impose our will.

True strength involves the courage to hold boundaries without hostility. It’s the ability to say “no” firmly and respectfully, to express disagreement without dehumanizing others, and to confront challenges without resorting to coercion. These forms of strength require emotional intelligence, patience, and vulnerability qualities that are often undervalued in a world that prizes aggression.

Moral integrity is also a pillar of real strength. A person who acts from a clear sense of right and wrong even when it is unpopular or difficult is demonstrating a level of inner power far greater than one who relies on fear to get their way. It takes tremendous strength to be kind in a cruel world, to be honest when deception is easier, and to stay grounded when everything around you is chaotic.

Communication is another essential component of strength. Being able to express one’s needs, boundaries, and emotions in a way that is both assertive and respectful reflects a depth of character. It’s much harder—and far more courageous to calmly state your truth than to lash out in anger. Violence, in contrast, is often the result of fear, insecurity, or an inability to manage complex emotions.

When we redefine strength in this way, we open the door to a more compassionate and just society. We stop glorifying dominance and start honoring integrity, empathy, and resilience. We create space for people, especially men, who are often socialized to equate masculinity with power and control to live more authentically and relate to others more humanely.

Uncoupling strength from violence is not about becoming passive or weak. It’s about becoming wise, conscious, and aligned with values that uplift rather than harm. It’s about recognizing that the most powerful leaders, friends, and family members are those who inspire trust, not fear. And it’s about understanding that true strength is quiet, grounded, and profoundly humane.

Understanding the Difference Between Rest and Depletion Recovery

Nov 5, 2023

Girl doing yoga on the beach Introduction:

In our fast-paced, modern world, it’s easy to confuse rest with depletion recovery. Many individuals mistakenly believe that they are resting when, in reality, they are merely recovering from over-functioning and energy depletion. Rest is not simply the absence of activity or sleep; it is a conscious decision to maintain energy reserves and allow the body and mind to rejuvenate. In this article, we will explore the distinction between rest and depletion recovery, highlighting the importance of true rest for overall well-being.

Defining Rest and Depletion Recovery:

Rest goes beyond physical inactivity or sleep. It involves consciously choosing to disengage from modern distractions such as television, screens, and other energy-draining activities. Rest is a deliberate act of replenishing energy reserves and finding balance.

Depletion recovery, on the other hand, refers to the process of recovering from overexertion and energy depletion. It is a reactive response to excessive demands placed on the body and mind, often resulting in fatigue and burnout.

The Importance of Rest:

Rest allows the body and mind to recharge, promoting physical and mental rejuvenation. It replenishes energy reserves, enhances cognitive function, and improves overall well-being.

Rest plays a crucial role in stress reduction. By consciously disconnecting from daily stressors, individuals can lower cortisol levels, reduce anxiety, and restore a sense of calm.

Rest provides an opportunity for the mind to wander, fostering creativity and enhancing productivity. It allows for new ideas to emerge and promotes problem-solving abilities.

The Pitfalls of Depletion Recovery:

Depletion recovery may provide temporary relief from exhaustion, but it often fails to address the underlying causes of depletion. Without true rest, individuals may find themselves trapped in a cycle of over-functioning and subsequent recovery.

Continuous reliance on depletion recovery without incorporating genuine rest can lead to increased vulnerability to stress, illness, and burnout. It becomes a reactive approach rather than a proactive one.

Cultivating Restful Practices:

Engaging in mindfulness practices and meditation can help individuals cultivate a restful state of mind. These practices promote self-awareness, relaxation, and mental clarity.

Spending time in nature and engaging in outdoor activities can be incredibly restorative. It allows individuals to disconnect from technology, breathe fresh air, and reconnect with the natural world.

Engaging in hobbies and creative pursuits provides an opportunity for restful engagement. Whether it’s painting, playing an instrument, or gardening, these activities promote relaxation and rejuvenation.

Conclusion:

Distinguishing between rest and depletion recovery is crucial for maintaining overall well-being. While depletion recovery may provide temporary relief, true rest is essential for replenishing energy reserves, reducing stress, and fostering creativity. By consciously choosing restful practices and prioritizing genuine rest, individuals can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Talking with Kids During Collective Uncertainty

Jan 13, 2021

By Holly Schweitzer Dunn, LISW

Another terribly confusing, scary crisis. Watching a mob of angry people flood into a building that is a symbol of everything we take for granted- freedom, safety, personal opinion, free speech, cooperation, working for the greater good- in our democratic society glued me to my tv and phone. I permitted my children extra video game time knowing they were wearing headsets and interacting in all their tween glory with their friends, unaware of yet another trauma unfolding while I tried to make dinner, reading and re-reading the recipe, the details and steps not able to hold together in my mind. I wanted them to be unaware, at least until I could wrap my brain around what was happening and how to explain it to them.

Just as we were all beginning to feel a little hopeful that the Covid vaccine would turn life back to normal we were subjected, again, to fear and uncertainty. This time it was at the Capitol Building. Over this past week, many parents have asked the best way to address this with their children. Here are our recommendations:

1. Talk to your kids about what happened. They know more than you think they do and deserve to hear the facts from you. Be sure to use developmentally appropriate language and detail. A typical three year old does not have the emotional or mental capacity to understand the complexities of mob mentality and perception. They do, however, understand that different people have different opinions and that everyone wants treated fairly and deserves to live in safety. They also understand that leaders and words have power.

2. Share still images that allow your children to have accurate mental images. Showing an entire video of the Capitol break-in is probably not appropriate for most school age children. Allowing them to see images of broken windows, the women carrying to safety the case of electoral college votes, or protestors gathering outside the Capitol building can give them snapshots of the event that fill in the missing pieces they have from the uncertainty and from their lack of life experience.

3. Turn off the radio, tv news, and news notifications on your phone. As caregivers our first and most important responsibility is the safety and well being of our children. Be in control of the information they see and hear in your home. This is also a good time to review the filters and parent controls on your children’s cell phones, computers, tablets and other devices to ensure you are doing your best to safeguard against unwanted information inadvertently entering your home.

4. Remember children need to process the information just as adults need. In young children this looks like playing out their reality. You may see your children re-enacting their interpretation of recent events. You likely have already seen and heard your children play COVID-themed enactments. Older children may talk about it with you or with their friends, draw, write, tweet or post on social media (if permitted) their thoughts, questions, and opinions. This is normal and to be encouraged.

5. Encourage action. To regain a sense of empowerment after a trauma finding “doing steps” is key. Helping your children find where their power lies and appropriately exerting it is not only a rebuilding step after a trauma, it is a life lesson they will carry into adulthood. Doing steps can be simple: drawing a picture that tells the story of what happened, saying a prayer or meditation to regain a sense of peace and center, playing outside and breathing in the cold air as a reminder of safety. It can also include writing a letter to a congressperson, talking to someone with differing political views, thinking about someone you know and love who believes differently than you.

Practice Makes Present

Oct 16, 2020

Open Hands Letting go is a lifetime practice but often feels very cerebral. “Easier said than done,” we might say. So if you’re practicing an attitude of release, here are a few things to support your practice.

Focus on your exhale. Notice what it feels like to release the breath. Take your time exhaling, putting a brief pause at the bottom of the breath. Notice the space you have to begin to take in the next inhale.
Practice the mantra: This no longer serves me.
Use your hands. When sitting in meditation or prayer, or even just to begin a meeting or other daily activity, pause and uncurl your fingers from your fists. Take a moment to let your body come into a pose of non-grasping so that you can receive.
Sit with it. Perhaps the best way to let go is to sit with the feelings you have around what you need to release.
Write yourself a permission note. It’s okay to make a decision and release yourself of guilt and shame.

Possibility within change

Aug 6, 2020

Empty Classroom The meditation for July 16th in my Greg Henry Quinn book 365 Meditations for Teachers is: “Everything in Life is Cyclical.” This axiom provides a warning: if things are going well, prepare yourself. It also provides eternal hope. No matter how bad things are, they must eventually improve.” It’s helpful to keep this in mind as we move further into the summer and closer to a school year that remains yet undefined.

Knowing and believing in the inevitability of change can bring us peace. As bad as things seem, they will get better. Really savor how calm things are now. At some point this will shift. Accepting change opens us up to all the possibilities and opportunities change brings.

What happens when we don’t like the opportunities change brings?

This is where acceptance is crucial. As we have said, to accept something does not necessarily mean you like what is happening. It means you’ve chosen to stop fighting against or running from it, and instead recognize it is here. It is what it is. Acceptance changes you. It does not change the situation.

Because there are so many unknowns in the world right now, it’s important to focus on what we do know for sure.

I am here in this moment and I am breathing.
I am preparing my lessons to be as effective as possible either in-person or through video.
I am more prepared for remote learning this fall than I was in the spring.
Even though I have anxiety about the upcoming school year, I fully and deeply trust myself to make decisions that are safest for me and my family.
I know that I will plan to start waking early on August 1st to prepare myself for school year hours, and that, realistically, I will not actually begin this practice until August 20th.

Quinn also says this about change: “When a child learns to accept change without fear, he or she then affects change within himself or herself by learning. A teacher [can] be the comfort of continuity from which new and exciting things spring.”

As parents and educators, we are in the position to be the constants for our children. This does not require us to ignore our own fears or try to fake our way through them. Children, as you know, quickly see through that. Even if you aren’t seeing yourself as a wellspring of “comfort of continuity”, your children and students are looking to you. Model to them authenticity, openness to new possibilities, and rolling with the unexpected.