Redefining Strength: Uncoupling It from Violence

Jul 17, 2025

A person raising their hand in the sunset - Showing Strength For generations, society has linked strength with dominance. From the stories we’re told as children to the behaviors we see rewarded in public life, there is a persistent belief that strength comes from power over others often expressed through aggression, control, or intimidation. This outdated view has shaped not only how we see leaders, but also how we understand masculinity, authority, and even success. However, this association between strength and violence is both misleading and harmful. It is time to uncouple the two and redefine what strength truly means.

Real strength is not about overpowering others. It does not come from how loud we are, how much force we can exert, or how many people we can control. Instead, it comes from within. Strength is built on a foundation of self-awareness, confidence, and conviction. It is reflected in how we carry ourselves, how we treat others, and how we handle adversity, not in how forcefully we can impose our will.

True strength involves the courage to hold boundaries without hostility. It’s the ability to say “no” firmly and respectfully, to express disagreement without dehumanizing others, and to confront challenges without resorting to coercion. These forms of strength require emotional intelligence, patience, and vulnerability qualities that are often undervalued in a world that prizes aggression.

Moral integrity is also a pillar of real strength. A person who acts from a clear sense of right and wrong even when it is unpopular or difficult is demonstrating a level of inner power far greater than one who relies on fear to get their way. It takes tremendous strength to be kind in a cruel world, to be honest when deception is easier, and to stay grounded when everything around you is chaotic.

Communication is another essential component of strength. Being able to express one’s needs, boundaries, and emotions in a way that is both assertive and respectful reflects a depth of character. It’s much harder—and far more courageous to calmly state your truth than to lash out in anger. Violence, in contrast, is often the result of fear, insecurity, or an inability to manage complex emotions.

When we redefine strength in this way, we open the door to a more compassionate and just society. We stop glorifying dominance and start honoring integrity, empathy, and resilience. We create space for people, especially men, who are often socialized to equate masculinity with power and control to live more authentically and relate to others more humanely.

Uncoupling strength from violence is not about becoming passive or weak. It’s about becoming wise, conscious, and aligned with values that uplift rather than harm. It’s about recognizing that the most powerful leaders, friends, and family members are those who inspire trust, not fear. And it’s about understanding that true strength is quiet, grounded, and profoundly humane.

The Heavily Meditated Teacher

Jul 12, 2019

The Heavily Meditated Teacher

When you come to the Mindful Educators retreat, one of the elements woven into the day is the importance of establishing a personal meditation practice. The elements of quieting the mind, noticing the breath and allowing thoughts to slide through awareness are essential to living and teaching mindfully.

It’s okay if you’re not ready to sit on your zafu pillow for an hour each morning! Taking a quiet 10-minute walk or spending the first 90 seconds in your classroom with eyes closed and breathing deeply are valuable forms of mindfulness. Small doses repeated through the day are powerful ways to keep your steady pace.

A meditation practice puts space into your day and into the way your brain functions. As the training ground for patience and peacefulness, it’s a way to practice slowing down our reactions. Much of the hurried day, we have a thought that we automatically believe. A mindfulness practice teaches us to notice first that a thought has arisen, and then gives us the opportunity to decide if it’s true. From that moment, you move from reacting to responding. Ideally, mindfulness gives us permission to allow the thought to pass without response. We become less automatic in our need to do something about the thought. It is just a thought.

Mindfulness is the space that allows you to breathe through your day. It’s this space that allows you to thrive in your work and can prevent burnout by allowing the emotions and the thoughts to move through you, rather than overcome you.

So what does this actually look like? A heavily meditated teacher is one who likely:

Responds rather than reacts
Draws emotional boundaries to keep from over-personalizing others’ behaviors
Feels a connection with students that goes beyond academics
Changes the pace of the day and activity to best suit student (and teacher) needs
Feels the freedom to be creative in their unique art of teaching- even within the confines of traditional educational expectations
Has a peace corner or quiet zone in the classroom that anyone can use at any time
Understands his/her energy drives the energy of the classroom and self-regulates accordingly
Exudes joyfulness and contentment
Refuels the passion that drives their work

With cramped classrooms and schedules filled to the hilt, teachers are the first to recognize a need for space and time. But as one teacher has said, “you will never find time, you can only make time.” Creating space in your life to breathe and move mindfully might be one of the best and healthiest adjustments to your lesson plans you make this year.

What yoga pose will make this kid listen?

Jul 11, 2019

What yoga pose will make this kid listen?

Embodied Education

Thanks to a new study getting fabulous publicity, yoga is making its way into classrooms everywhere. At Mind Body Health Associates, we’ve long recognized the importance of bringing the body into the educational setting because of the way it is intimately connected to our brains. Children, especially, need their whole body to be engaged for maximum learning to occur.

Our in-house yoga instructor, Michele Minehart, has worked with school districts offering yoga as part of their professional development, both as an experiential practice and as interventions for test anxiety. Education is eager to implement these simple tools that utilize the power of mindfulness. You don’t need to get your RYT 200© certification to reap the benefits of helping kids move their bodies and pay attention to their breath. If you’re looking to add a few tools to the toolbox, here are some suggestions:

Start with breathing. Ask your kids to take a big breath before starting the next activity. Our classrooms are filled with hurry and taking a brief moment in the transition will help them to fully arrive at the next activity.
Give it only 2 minutes. Let go of ideas that you need to devote an hour of classroom time to yet another thing. Science says that 60-90 seconds is all that is required to return an activated stress response (fight or flight) to one that is ready to learn. A few deep breaths with arm movement followed by a standing forward fold, or a balancing pose on a day you feel fancy, is plenty for them to begin.
Name your targeted outcome. You’re probably not looking for kids to be able to wrap a leg around their neck. What are you looking for when you institute some form of classroom yoga? One of the most noticeable benefits is behavior change, specifically in the realm of self-regulation. You can create a habit with the children to take a deep breath when they’re angry before responding by practicing taking a deep breath while they’re not angry; over time the habit will develop.
Remember: Where the attention goes, the energy flows. Some kids may not like the classroom yoga because new things are frequently scary things (this is the body’s protective reaction). You could meet reticence. That’s okay. Don’t use your energy trying to convince the apprehensive students. Instead, direct your attention to the ones who are participating and appreciating the experience. Success is the best PR, and the kids who are more slow to adapt will eventually want to join along.
Practice what you preach. You don’t need to join a fancy studio, but you can intentionally find ways to mindfully move your body. Walks in nature and running are great alternatives, especially if you already have a practice. A home yoga practice can be led via youtube or free apps (Michele recommends Down Dog; therapist and yoga instructor Rachel Tincher loves the practices available on Amazon’s Audible).

Kids have a BS sniffer and can sense if you don’t believe what you’re saying. Integrate the idea of moving your body as you notice your breath and the present moment so that you can teach the tools with honesty and integrity.

Boundaries: From swaddling to schooling, they find comfort in consistency

May 15, 2019

Boundaries: From swaddling to schooling, they find comfort in consistency

Early in the parenting journey we experience just how important structure can be to a new baby: for some infants, the act of swaddling brings a visible relaxation response. Every family has its own lore about the baby who needed the snug safety of a car seat or would only slumber while in the arms of a loving parent.

Children press into these boundaries, and by encountering a loving pressure, they find safety and ease of their surroundings. They relax enough to finally sleep.

While children eventually outgrow their need for a swaddle blanket, they maintain an inner (and even exterior) craving to know their boundaries. They push against the structures we provide to test their durability, and, perhaps, test the durability of those who put the structures in place. Children don’t make it personal, but much like testing the ice before stepping upon it and trusting it with your life, they want to know that the people, places, and rhythms in which they’re trusting themselves will be able to bear the weight. This is human nature, a wiring of the brain meant to protect individuals.\

Landon Dunn, LISW-S, LICDC, says, “all disappointment is unmet expectations.” Whether or not you’ve intentionally built rhythms into the spaces of your time and home, children naturally have expectations of consistency. When life becomes inconsistent children feel disappointed and unsure of the future, and that often comes out in their behavior.

Looking at structure through the eyes of a developing child, you see that structure is a safety mechanism, the psyche’s way of protecting the whole child. We, as parents, typically see a reaction against a boundary as negative because of the behavior children use to express their opinion. However, we also know that when boundaries crumble, the child internally absorbs that experience as instability and will have difficulty trusting the boundary (and the parent!) in the future.

Something as simple as a bedtime routine helps build the trust associated with keeping consistent boundaries and expectations. By building a routine of bathtime, story, snuggles, and bed, a child knows what to expect each evening. This calms a child’s sense of wondering, “what’s next?” and builds a sense of trust in you.

As children grow, boundaries shift – bedtimes extend later, structure around the day gets looser. These changes can come about with relative calm and ease as the trust that built over time through consistent and stable boundaries gives children confidence they can return to the safety of their home and family.

Boundaries are a way of teaching children: You can trust me. You can count on me. I’ll do what I say, and when you need something, you can expect me to support you.

Keeping Peace This Holiday Season

Dec 12, 2016

Keeping Peace This Holiday Season

Christmas cards and commercials are created to make us feel as if every waking hour from Thanksgiving to January 1 should be filled with magical moments with family and friends. We’re socialized to appear “happy” during these celebratory times of year. We know this isn’t always the situation. Rather, the last two months of the year tend to make people feel guilty and ashamed if you don’t feel happy and joyful. Instead of trying to muster up the “happy” of the holidays, consider spending your energy mindfully approaching the season:
1. Validate your feelings. Experience the range of feelings, and remind yourself you need not react. Instead of telling yourself, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way because…” remind yourself that, as a human, feelings are a normal part of a healthy life. Allow yourself to feel and find a response that will be more helpful to move you toward how you want to feel.

2. Cope ahead. Rather than resorting to reactions in the midst of the hustle and bustle, consider taking action before the frenzy begins. Remind yourself of the challenges of previous holidays and plan a potential response. For example, if holiday parties tend to tempt you into engaging in more festive eating and drinking than you are comfortable with, make sure you pack your can of Sprite or give yourself some parameters to follow at the buffet line (“at least two vegetables before a dessert!”). Then when you arrive you can choose to follow what you already know to be best, rather than making decisions with social pressure or emotion involved.

3. Feel it. If you notice your body or mind shifting toward frustration, anger, or grief, name the feeling. Remind yourself that you are allowed to feel. Find a safe place to share the feelings – a close friend or a loved one who will hold space for you. After this, you may feel more freedom to move on to the next feeling.

4. Simplify. Choose wisely how you will spend your precious time and eliminate the parts that are beyond your capacity. No one else gets to dictate how you celebrate a holiday. Consider ordering the holiday dinner, traveling during the holidays or donating to a charity rather than spending money on gifts.

Though the holiday season comes with challenges, give yourself the space to experience the wide range of feelings – joy, grief, love, temptation – as a whole person.